cactus-wren-bd

cactus-wren-bd:

shes-a-wolverine:

mommamill:

damnaveragesheep:

avthepornfish:

My UPS delivery guy must be pretty sick of lugging 50lb boxes of silicone down a bunch of stairs from the parking lot, because he’s taken to leaving the boxes a good distance from my apartment.

When he started doing that, he at least…

Our delivery guys won’t even come to our house any more, they all say “the trees are too scary” and refuse to get out of the truck. They will deliver to the houses around us though. So apparently we just have carnivorous Ents along our driveway.

Apparently rain, hail, sleet and snow can’t stop the delivery guys, but scary ass trees will.

cactus-wren-bd
theaquadragon:

majored-in-not-dancing:

nerdytransgirl:

undeadthug:

where do grandmas and aunties even buy this shit? It’s not in stores???do they have a dealer who sells to them???? 

OK, IM GONNA LET YOU LITTLE SHITS ON A LITTLE SECRET. YOU CAN GET THOSE CANDIES HERE. BUT THATS NOT ALL!!! THIS FUCKING WEBSITE HAS ALL YOUR FUCKING CANDY NEEDS AND THEN SOME!!!!
NEED SIX POINT SIX POUNDS OF SOUR RAINBOW BELTS???

BAM!!!
ALL FOR UNDER FIFTY FUCKING DOLLARS!!!! BUT HOW ARE WE GOING TO WASH ALL OF THEM DOWN? THERE OBVIOUSLY ISNT ENOUGH SUGAR IN THESE BELTS SO LETS WASH THEM DOWN WITH THIS:

THATS RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKER! THIRTY TWO GODDAMMED OUNCES OF SWEET, SWEET POWDERED STRAWBERRY FLAVOR!!! BUT LET’S NOT GET CARRIED AWAY WITH ALL THIS BECASUE WE’RE GOING TO GRANDMAS, WE’D BETTER GET SOME SHIT FOR HER. AND WHAT BETTER THING TO GET FOR HER THAN SOME SUGAR DADDIES???

THATS RIGHT, THATS 24 SUGAR DADDIES FOR GRAM GRAM. BUT, UH-OH!! LOOKS LIKE WE SPILLED UNCLE H’S BLUE ROCK CANDY ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! WHERE ELSE CAN WE GET 5 POUNDS OF PURE BLUE ROCK CANDY??? RIGHT FUCKING HERE!!!

THIS FUCKING WEBSITE IS SO FUCKING SWEET, IT GIVES YOU DIABETUS JUST BY LOOKING AT IT. NOW DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND GO FIND WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU NEED ON THIS SITE BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME AND I HAVENT COME DOWN OFF MY LAST ORDER OF CANDY YET AND THE NEXT IS ALREADY IN THE MAIL SOMEBODY HELP ME IM NOT AN ADULT I CANT MAKE THESE DECISIONS 

OH MY GOD

I know what I’m getting for Christmas this year

theaquadragon:

majored-in-not-dancing:

nerdytransgirl:

undeadthug:

where do grandmas and aunties even buy this shit? It’s not in stores???do they have a dealer who sells to them???? 

OK, IM GONNA LET YOU LITTLE SHITS ON A LITTLE SECRET. YOU CAN GET THOSE CANDIES HERE. BUT THATS NOT ALL!!! THIS FUCKING WEBSITE HAS ALL YOUR FUCKING CANDY NEEDS AND THEN SOME!!!!

NEED SIX POINT SIX POUNDS OF SOUR RAINBOW BELTS???

BAM!!!

ALL FOR UNDER FIFTY FUCKING DOLLARS!!!! BUT HOW ARE WE GOING TO WASH ALL OF THEM DOWN? THERE OBVIOUSLY ISNT ENOUGH SUGAR IN THESE BELTS SO LETS WASH THEM DOWN WITH THIS:

THATS RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKER! THIRTY TWO GODDAMMED OUNCES OF SWEET, SWEET POWDERED STRAWBERRY FLAVOR!!! BUT LET’S NOT GET CARRIED AWAY WITH ALL THIS BECASUE WE’RE GOING TO GRANDMAS, WE’D BETTER GET SOME SHIT FOR HER. AND WHAT BETTER THING TO GET FOR HER THAN SOME SUGAR DADDIES???

THATS RIGHT, THATS 24 SUGAR DADDIES FOR GRAM GRAM. BUT, UH-OH!! LOOKS LIKE WE SPILLED UNCLE H’S BLUE ROCK CANDY ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! WHERE ELSE CAN WE GET 5 POUNDS OF PURE BLUE ROCK CANDY??? RIGHT FUCKING HERE!!!

THIS FUCKING WEBSITE IS SO FUCKING SWEET, IT GIVES YOU DIABETUS JUST BY LOOKING AT IT. NOW DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND GO FIND WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU NEED ON THIS SITE BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME AND I HAVENT COME DOWN OFF MY LAST ORDER OF CANDY YET AND THE NEXT IS ALREADY IN THE MAIL SOMEBODY HELP ME IM NOT AN ADULT I CANT MAKE THESE DECISIONS 

OH MY GOD

I know what I’m getting for Christmas this year

pornacorn
pornacorn:

trekkie8472:

blondeloli:

daddysriotgrrrl:

blondeloli:

i can finally fulfill my dream of having tons of dicks in my mouth!

"what do you mean you’re not impressed by the hundreds of cocks i can take in my mouth at once?" 

*at the dentist’s office*
"Why do you have so many cavities?"
"i ate too many dicks :("

THAT LAST ONE.

I must have these, and put them in small assorted packages with the words “EAT A BAG OF DICKS” in bold on them.

pornacorn:

trekkie8472:

blondeloli:

daddysriotgrrrl:

blondeloli:

i can finally fulfill my dream of having tons of dicks in my mouth!

"what do you mean you’re not impressed by the hundreds of cocks i can take in my mouth at once?" 

*at the dentist’s office*

"Why do you have so many cavities?"

"i ate too many dicks :("

THAT LAST ONE.

I must have these, and put them in small assorted packages with the words “EAT A BAG OF DICKS” in bold on them.